


Apology for Shadows

by CosmeerSpots



Series: Wondrous Wanders [5]
Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: -insert the link meme- this is my AU and I decided we are emotionally OPEN about stuff, Closure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Mild Gore, Siblings, Wondrous Wanders AU, we goin to abyss here and yall know very well at this point how much I like yucky desciptions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmeerSpots/pseuds/CosmeerSpots
Summary: Sometimes, she feels them pulling at the hem of her cloak, clawing at her back and mind. Thankfully, Ghost seems to have a solution.
Relationships: Hornet & The Knight (Hollow Knight)
Series: Wondrous Wanders [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681615
Comments: 15
Kudos: 138





	Apology for Shadows

She’s been having a lot of nightmares lately. Alway greyscale, always with bright white eyes that seemed to stare for eternity. Never closing, never blinking, only stalking as she tried to draw air into her lungs. As if that action was worth so much attention.

Sometimes, the darkness tried to whisper to her. It felt as if it was attempting to lure her somewhere, make her follow. She never could understand it. And when she spoke up, to snap at it, to question it, to beg it, it became angry. Without fail, it was always anger mixed with certain desperation, certain choking sadness. It crashed into her like a wave, washing her with its cold, freezing all of her limbs and then breaking her apart like a statue made out of glass.

Sometimes, the nightmares would start differently. She’s running after a vessel. It’s a hunt. Their entire head is a blur of white. Either completely unrecognizable or the horns keep changing every millisecond, not allowing themselves to be known.

That is, until her needle finds its way through them. Then she can see them clearly. Numerous times has she stared into Ghost’s eyes as their shaking hands let go of her cloak as all power leaves them. Numerous times has she found herself standing on Hollow’s chest, her blade buried deep in their throat. Numerous times… has her face hovered right in front of _theirs_. Staring into two dark swirling eyes, so well known to her she could map them out from memory. One scarred so deep that in past she was afraid to touch it even when they told her it'd be fine. Her needle is stuck in their head, they are crying and yet they are holding her close as long as they can manage. _They_ appear the least. Which she is thankful for, because seeing them hurt differently than seeing Ghost or Hollow.

And almost every time, it’s Ghost who saves her from these horrors. Either their spirit appears in her dreams, wraps cold tendrils around her and pulls her into the waking world, or they insistently poke her in the side until she wakes up. She pretends to be annoyed even though she’s most likely shaking like a leaf, just for the sake of showing them her thoughts about the whole situation. She grumbles and crosses her arms and glares at them. They, in very exaggerated manner, roll their nonexistent eyes at her before they lie down next to her and pull her face into their chest. They hide her head under their cloak, because they've seen Hollow do it when they managed to wake up before Ghost took initiative in the sister-waking, and tell her, in their hushed mental whispers, to go back to sleep. That they'll keep guard.

Never does dream or nightmare dare to plague Hornet when she sleeps squished between her siblings. It makes sleeping with them that much better.

Now, she’s following Ghost into the depths of Hallownest.

Hornet hates. Hates, hates, _hates_ going into the Ancient Basin. On one side of it, under the City, are ruins of something she hasn't seen whole since the Sealing, ages and maybe centuries ago. She ignores the stones thrown about, just like the white armor of a corpse, as Ghost pulls her past all of it from the Stag station. On the other side of this place stands a grave she has visited only once after making it. She’s scared. She’s a coward, when it comes to dead loved ones and their corpses. She could never face her own mother’s body until it was time to let her pass away. She can never face her sibling with stupid horns and hole in the head.

And deep under their feet, only regrets found home. And they are headed right _there_.

Ghost murmured something to her, back home in Dirtmouth. Something about closure. Something about night spilled on her claws, her needle and in her heart. She looked at them funny, because she only knew deep down what they meant. They tugged at her shawl, spoke about banishing the nightmares. That was enough to get her moving.

Now they stand in front of the once sealed entrance to Ghost’s birthplace. They had to _climb_ out of that hell hole… They had to race to the top, they had to lose, they had to step over corpses even though they were just freshly hatched… 

Don't think about that., they whisper to her, effectively shutting off any thoughts of those things.

“It’s kind of hard not to, Little Ghost, when we stand at the doorstep to such place full of agony and wrong decisions.”

Their only reply is a shrug. She can see the uneasiness in their posture, though. Neither of them is too happy about being here, that is no surprise.

They hand her their Lumafly lantern and she examines it for a bit before she shoots them a confused look. “What? Are you going to send me in there alone?”

Their face can’t change. Their expression is as good as statue’s. Yet she can tell just how offended they are by the small tilt of their head, how their shoulders tense and how long they stare at her before they speak up, making it all clear. Of course not!, they cry as loudly as their silence allows them, I would never! I simply thought you'd welcome control over our only source of light.

“Right.” Their only light… In _that_ darkness. “Right, of course.” She stares at the fluttering Lumafly trapped in the glass and strokes the surface of the lamp, just to calm herself down. They are going to go _in_ there. The farthest she ever dared was the platform overlooking the hell pit. With Ghost accompanying her it will be safer to descend, obviously, but still.

They tug at her until both of them stand at the edge. Neither can see the bottom, that's how deep it is. One would think that the pale whites of siblings’ faces would shine at least a little bit in the endlessness, but no. It’s all muted, dark and terrifying.

We aren’t going to reach the very bottom., Ghost says, I'm certain that would be too much.

She just manages to nod. If it’s going to be anything like the black egg, or worse, she wouldn't last long. Not even half a minute, she’s sure. She looks at them, waiting for them to continue.

We’ll go slowly. I first, in case some of them are higher up already.

Yeah, that's a good idea, she thinks. If the siblings got a good hit on her while trying to make a jump, she would most definitely fall. And break something. Or get impaled. Ghost told her about wicked spikes here and there. They also told her about the deaths caused by them that they saw. About torn off limbs, speared through chests and mask shards raining down on them. It made her sick. They apologized a lot when they realised. She didn't blame them, of course they don't feel anything about it anymore. Of course.

Tell me when it will start getting overwhelming. And I mean even _tiniest_ bit overwhelming, Hornet., is the last thing Ghost tells her before they jump.

Hornet stands there for a good while, steeling herself. Even with Ghost, bearer of Voidheart, the Abyss is still an enemy territory. Except more violent than any other she has entered in past, because even just _existing_ here will be slowly killing her.

She sighs, she steps forward, she lets herself fall to the next platform, still clutching the little lantern.

Her descent is probably slower than any before that she made by herself without anything or anybody to physically keep her down. The weight of the void all around her, the weight of the kingdom above her, pull on her shoulders, tempting her to collapse. Her needle seems much heavier than ever. Breathing becomes harder and harder with ever platform she jumps off of. Even the little bug in the lamp stopped flying around, settling down on the surface and resting. Still, she pushes through it, to the point where she knows that going even lower would make all her physical strength nonexistent. She still needs the power to get out. She still needs the stability of mind to protect herself from the shades.

“Ghost...!” she weakly calls out. Her voice rings through the darkness. It doesn't belong here. Here's only space for muffling silence and screams of the mind. Hornet falls to her knees right next to a cracked mask of fallen sibling, letting her cloak cover her whole. She needs to rest. “Ghost, I can’t no more...”

She startles, slightly, when small black claws sink into the edge of the platform she rests on. She’s put to ease again, though, when her sibling’s symmetrical horns poke out. Second later and they are right next to her, fussing over her, asking if she doesn't want to go a bit higher, more safer.

“No.” she says. “With what I've done I should go to the very bottom. I am already asking for too much.” She is right, she knows. And she’s sure that Ghost knows what she’s getting at. She knows that they belong to the void and the spirits of their siblings first and to her second.

I belong to no one., their whispers fill her mind again. Only myself. I belong to myself and nobody else. My love, my devotion, my loyalty, however, belongs to all of you. You are as important as any shade, Hornet. A sister is no different title to a sibling. They are the same.

“You have known them longer. You have died with them.” She points out while curling in on herself. It’s so cold…

And I've known you shorter, which is a crime. And I live with you, for you, for the love shared by familial bonds. If there is something I can do for you, I will do it, gladly., Ghost messes around with her neck guard while speaking, fluffing it up and hiding half of her face in it until she halfheartedly slaps their hands away. Are you sure you can handle it?, they ask.

She averts her gaze to the little lantern in her claws. The Lumafly is glowing less than before, as tired as it is. Slowly, she nods. Of course she can handle it. “I'll wait here.”

They nod to her and jump off, back into the darkness, to call upon the lost siblings. To bring them to her. To help find both of the parties a semblance of solace. Hopefully, the little shadows will have the heart to listen to her apologies.

It doesn't take long for first shifts of masks to ring out in the complete silence. Bone clicks against bone as spirits rise. Ghost races, flaps their wings as much as they can, to get to her first. They succeed, thankfully, because the siblings seem so upset. So many hover in the air around them, she can’t believe her eyes. She knew there were many, but this… So many of them not put to peace, unable to rest… 

Only a smaller portion of the shades decides to float closer, though. And she can recognize each of them. The horns, the scars that were ingrained as deep as into their very soul. She knew them. They are the ones she killed. Her remorse is staring right at her through white lights of the dead.

Her hand reaches back for her needle on instinct, but that only makes the cursed souls angrier than they were before. She stops herself before her claws touch the hilt of her weapon, but that means nothing to them. She can hear some of their whispers, understand them, probably thanks to the Voidheart being so close.

_...Murderer…_

_...Crimson death…_

_...Traitor of kin…_

_...Merciless wyrmling…_

_...Kill her… ...Kill her… Take her light and warmth… Before she takes... what we have left..._

She can hear their madness, she can hear the tremble caused by emotion that shouldn’t be there in their nonexistent voices. And it makes her so so scared.

Ghost jumps in front of her, nail drawn and monarch wings fluttering, attempting to make themselves look bigger, attempting to shed some royal light into this dark place. It stops the siblings only for a little while.

Hornet, we should probably leave., she knows it's Ghost speaking. She knows and yet she doesn't react. Everything is growing colder, choking her.

Hornet., this time they are more insistent. Still, she gives no response. Shadows are creeping closer, their tendrils are lashing out.

 _Hornet!_ , only silence answers them, until…

“I'm sorry.” her voice is weak, but in the complete absence of sound it still echoes. The shades stop. Ghost looks at her, startled. She’s trembling.

She opens her mouth hidden underneath her mask and tries to speak. The only sound that leaves her, though, is just a pitiful whine and rapid exhales. _She can’t breath._

No one moves to comfort her. No one moves a muscle to leave, to do anything. Everything is still and silent as Hornet pulls the little lantern against her chest and tries to fight off a panic attack. She has to _talk, not breakdown, gods dammit. Why is this so hard?_

Finally, she seems to remember how to talk. “I'm… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry for what I have done, I'm sorry.”

The shades only stare at her. They know she’s not done yet.

“I'm so sorry for taking your chances at life, after you escaped. After you escaped this graveyard. I don't- I don't have any excuse. I truly don't. I don't.” She takes a shuddering breath. The air is so heavy and cold… “I came here to. To beg for forgiveness I do not deserve. I do not expect you- any of you- to forgive me, I’d be insane if I asked for such mercy.”

Ghost shifts a bit. They don't like her wording, she guesses. They look around at all of the siblings, searching for anyone who'd seek to interrupt her.

“There’s no explanation for what I've done that would even hope to slightly redeem me or explain my choices. Really, there’s none. I know very well there is none. I understand my regrets, though. I acknowledge them. I despise my actions. I'm sorry for everything wrong I did to you. For every crack, for every wound. I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry.” _She’s shaking so much_ . Her voice is _so weak_ and _pathetic_. She’s so close to crying like a grub. Their eyes are too much.

One of the shades separates from the others. Two horns on each side of their head. A missing piece of darkness on their forehead. Hornet remembers them. A nail sticking out of their chest. Small head resting in her hand, waiting for an end.

Ghost jerks, wanting to put themselves between the sibling and sister. The shade, though, bows to them. They stay still until Ghost calms down and lets them pass.

They hover over her, now. Right in front of her face. Then they dip down, so they can stare right into her eyes. The shade’s head tilts slightly, as if asking if she meant it. She doesn't have any words for them, however. Not if they give her a look like that.

Carefully, slowly, she opens her arms and cape, offering an embrace. And reluctantly, they take her offer. They settle against her thorax and her arms come around them. Her cloak hides the better part of them from everything. They are so bitterly cold, they feel like death, they remind her of the black egg, yet she only pulls them closer and rests her chin on their head. They nuzzle closer and start shaking and she realizes they begun to cry. That's okay. She feels like weeping, too.

The cold leaves when Ghost sits down and leans against her. She’s so grateful for that. She’s so grateful that this one singular sibling forgave her. She hugs them tighter with all four of her arms, hides them better in her red and one last time, she whispers an apology, before she slips into quiet tears with them.

The other shades observe for some time. Then, some decide to leave. Not just ready to forgive, to rest. Hornet understands. She doesn't blame them. The ones that stayed behind float close and sit with her. Some cuddle up to her, some hide their head under her warm cape, some settle for resting on the edge of the platform with their back turned to her.

They seem content. She feels happy. It’s okay.

They stay like that for a good while. Soaking in the comfort offered by each other. But then Hornet lifts her head and ducks it down next to the little shadow’s in her arms. She whispers to them a question, “I'm sorry to break the silence and I'm sorry for having a selfish inquiry. But- if I may…?”

The shade nuzzles their face into her cheek, signaling her to continue. “I… I used to be close to one vessel. We grew up together, fought and won many a time.” The sibling nods, understanding. You want to see them, their eyes say. “They… They died.” Her heart feels so heavy. “It wasn’t by my own hand, but still, it was very much my fault.” She sighs and the shade wraps their tendrils around her carefully, pulling her in for a hug. She lets them. She welcomes it.

“They had three horns. One growing above their left eye and one, the biggest, growing on left side of their head.” One of her hands moves with her words, drawing the shapes above her head. “They also had wings. Four. Four wings.” Small smile escapes her at the fond memories that come along with her words. “That horn steered them around so much when they were learning how to fly…” Ghost shuffles next to her, but she ignores them, all her attention on the subject at hand.

She focuses back on the sibling. “Please, have you seen their shade around? I just… I just wish I could talk to them one last time.”

They cast their gaze downwards and think. They think and think, for quite long while, before turning to other shades. Probably asking them the same question in void whispers she can’t understand. She watches as heads turn, eyes search.

The sibling in her lap turns back to her and bows their head. Nothing. Nobody saw them. Nobody knows them.

Hornet feels her heart sink. Maybe they were already peacefully resting and her probing around only disturbed their sleep. Maybe they don't want to show themselves to her anymore. She wouldn't be that surprised, after all, what she saw back in the black egg could've been just a fever dream.

She rests her chin on their head again. There’s nothing to do about it, she guesses. So, no matter how much it hurts, she’s going to ignore it. Now is time for her to give her affections and attention to siblings that never got any.

They ended up staying for a good while. Some of the shades even talked to her. Well, they needed Ghost to translate, but still, they talked. She told them tales of her experiences, she told them her favorite stories, myths and legends from across the kingdom. And when the time came to leave, because Hollow shouldn’t be alone for too long and she was starting to get cold even with Ghost next to her shielding her from the void, she promised the dead she’d come back. She will sit on the highest iron platform and sing them lullabies from Deepnest, the Hive and Hallownest all.

The nightmares mostly ceased, she found after days of calm sleep. Siblings that hadn't forgive her still plagued her dreams, but that didn't happen too often.

Hornet could sleep, mostly peacefully, again. And more importantly, she was finally gifted the feeling of closure.

**Author's Note:**

> So my philosophy is that if a fucker can deal two masks of fucking damage, then they are more real than my favorite cup Im looking at right the fuck now, therefore, hugs for the shades
> 
> Anyway, this takes place quite some time after the last chapter of DwTM and I MAYBE should have written different fic before this one, but I made a poll on my tumblr and peeps decided that this one should be next


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